Tagged: Humour

A case study of moronic conversations.

Here is my case book of some really ridiculous conversations I have been a part of and I take pleasure in narrating them here. Have fun.

Case #1: Mindless Front Office Guy
It was a regular day in office until the front office guy (FOG) decides to walk up to my desk and ask me a few questions (like irrespective of the answer, these are the set questions he intended to ask.)

FOG: What’s your extension?
Me: Do you see an extension on my desk?
FOG: But how do you pick up the phone?
Me: I don’t. Because I can’t!!
FOG: So, your extension is 22 or 23?
Me: !!??!!

Case #2: Long Distant – Short Tempered Sister
For my birthday this year, dad bought me a fancy Guess watch. So, when my sister called to wish me on my birthday, what followed was just stupidity at its best.

Me: Hey, Dad got me a watch for my birthday.
Sis: Oh cool! Which one?
Me: Guess
Sis: Arre say nah which one?
Me: Guess!!
Sis: Chal nah… what pakao you are… say nah which one?
Me: Guess baba Guess!!
Sis: Arre don’t fry yeah… just say which one?
Me: Oh god! How many times to say… Guess!!
Sis: Aaarrgghh!!
Me: Aaarrgghh!!

Case #3: Account Executive with the power to decide someone’s life span.
Being in the business of advertising, you meet a lot of over enthusiastic Account Executives (AE). Mind you, they sometimes possess the power to think. Now, this could actually turn out to be quite lethal. Here is how I was assigned a rather not so interesting job in my first week of work.

Me: The obituary ad is almost done… But you still haven’t given me the date of his death.
AE: I would have, if he were dead.
Me: What do you mean?
AE: Well, we should know the date soon I guess. You can hold the ad till then.
Me: What??!!??

Bluff Master!

I hope as a reader you will respect the need for humour in life. I’m very serious when it comes to exploring this side. Bluffing is an art, not everyone can do it. So for those who have not mastered it yet, here’s a how-to-be a bluff master in 5 easy steps! Highly not recommended, but have fun anyways!

Meeting an ex when you’re with your current.
I’m sorry, but my memory fails me. Really?… We went to college together?… I really did go to college?… Oh I tell you this brain surgery.
(Works wonderfully! Each time!)

Oh my God!
You don’t see a Ganapati in this picture? I’m telling you he’s there. Oh wait!… This could be divine intervention. Oh my God! I’m his chosen one!
(I actually told my friend to tell this to her boss, if he refused to give her leave for Ganapati.)

It’s a family emergency. I need leave, Sir.
My dog is depressed because I’ve been staying late hours at work these days.
I hope you understand. I’m her mother. I just had a word with her and she demands that she won’t let me get to work today. Thanks boss!
(I have never tried this with my boss. Well, let’s just say, you do it first and I’ll follow.)

The number you’re calling, is out of coverage area. (for 8 hours?!?!)
Honey, ever since I’ve gotten this new network – Dolphin, it’s been a task to get through to me. The thing is every time the poor chap (dolphin) has to come out of the water to find these signals. It gets taxing on him, the poor fella! I know you’re really understanding that way!
(To the women: Dump him right now!
To the men: She’s obviously not bluffing, come on!)

A pauper within a second.
Holy shit! Where’s all the money from my wallet gone?… Gosh! I was just watching Mind Freak when I left home, I think Chris Angel’s using his magic on me through that 21” screen in my living room! If you were not around how would I ever pay my bill? Thanks!
(I have never tried this one before. If you do, tell me if it worked or you got disowned as a friend.)