It’s been a long while.
And as I walk past your streets,
fleeting moments fill my mind.
Though of mistrust, pain and a lone valentine.
If we were to cross paths,
I wonder what will it feel like?
Too raw? Too old?
Or that sinking feeling of a gaping hole?
What shall I speak to you, today?
Should I speak of the colour of my curtains?
Should I speak of the unseasonal rain?
Or should I speak of your callousness?
Should I speak of my disdain?
Remember the times, you called me names?
I was hiding it all, for fear of shame.
So no one would hear, no one would know,
of the choices I had made,
and things I had learnt to let go.
And the borrowed melodies,
do you recall?
They raided my heart, as I traded my peace.
I begged of you to heal my ache,
you laughed it off, you enjoyed the tease.
As the roads that lead to thee today,
I hold no memory of the time gone by.
I stand silent and disconnected,
my heart, a resemblance of the dark sky.
Dressed today, on different arms,
making yourself believe.
Shoes that are cut for one,
may just fit another’s feet.
I kissed him in the midst of the wind,
and he disappeared without a trace.
With unsaid rules blowing through the breeze,
and the blinding dust on my face,
I walked the murk, with forbidden desire.
Hoping against hope,
my feet tugged along the deepest mire.
The dawn spewed on me, new surprises.
All that lay good, were now mere vices.
The tiles still drawn, the rules had changed.
Pebbles strewn on both sides,
and footprints estranged.
I stood there waiting, pleased in denial.
Burning a hundred yearnings,
wishing he would walk through the aisle.
Not a sound in the distance or a whiff in the air.
Rewritten in history, was a tale of despair.
My face still smeared, as I rose up to see,
the day had set in, the mist had cleared.
Reminiscing at the doorway to infinity,
I realised I had dropped the key.
I wait, an impatient soul,
with fingers gliding into my robe.
In vain, I look fruitlessly,
still riding on a hope of victory.
Voices surround my entire being,
questioning my character, my dignity.
I ask, will I be allowed entrance?
Will I be asked to leave?
With chances so bleak,
will I then come back again?
Will I still seek?
How far will this take me, my new face?
Which I no longer recognise, I no longer embrace.
I wish I knew the answers
when I set off that day.
I wish I would hold my guard,
I wish I would not stray.
While I was walking towards you, little did I think,
my journey so far would be about losing my skin.
Taking my thunder under its wings,
my angel flew a distant dream.
In milestones, laid out far and wide,
a memory etched of love and pride.
Unfulfilled visions, incomplete goals.
A dying wish, a flickering hope.
Take me with you, my sweet angel, I sang the holy song.
I heard nothing for eternity, believing he was gone.
One day I woke up to my windows broken,
to realise, of love and compassion he was a token.
With sounds from a far-away world,
I had finally got my call.
I knew I had to go,
to a land of no friends, no foe.
To be united in a space unknown,
to return to a piece of my soul.
The intoxicating night
plays bliss and blur.
An aimless journey,
a ceaseless soul.
The shadowy recluse
is now my home.
Some odd faces in the dark,
stare back at me.
Few wounded, grazed,
and some look like me.
The poison-like ambience
sinks into my spine.
A want to hold myself,
but it’s too late in time.